primary resistance at a critical low ;; caitlin

[Lexie Ashton]

Lexie was having a bad day, and as usual, she hid her feelings pretty badly. She was never one to try to pretend that she was okay. If she felt like crap, somebody would most likely know. She didn't care what people thought of her, and if she wasn't at her best, it wasn't like her to cover it up with stories. She obviously had a hard time dealing with the fact that she was here in the first place, and it was especially hard knowing that for someone from her background, she really hadn't done all that much. Yeah, she'd popped a few pills, and smoked a little weed. Or more like a lot, but coming from upper class Manhattan, it was practically nothing. Obviously getting a few possession felonies didn't help her cause, but for the most part, it was just her parents that wanted to get rid of her, it wasn't like that was any kind of secret. So what if she was a "rebel" but plenty of teenagers did a lot more, and more dangerous stuff. It wasn't like it was crack or cocaine.

To get over her just plain shitty feeling, Lexie decided to go out for a swim. It was warm enough that the pool would be at least tepid. Or maybe she would just lay out and smoke, which for her was the perfect way to spend a little time. Putting on her bikini, flip flops, and sunglasses and grabbing a pack of cigarettes, she walked down to the pool, expecting to see a few people there. Luckily, however, there weren't, so she didn't really have to worry about anybody catching her, and even if they did, there wasn't much that they could do about it. At least she could avoid getting treated for something that was perfectly legal. Laying down on one of the lounge chairs, she put on her sunglasses and lit a cigarette. She was feeling like crap, and this appeared to be the best way to fix that.

[/blockquote]

[caitlin mosse }]

it's you and me
moving at the speed of light
into eternity, yeah
tonight is the night
you'll join me in the rhythm of ecstasy

caitlin woke up early that morning, the third time in as many days. she hated waking up early ; she couldn’t stand it. she always felt grouchy and horrible and snappy first thing in the morning, and if she didn’t get enough sleep then she’d be even more grouchy and horrible. she couldn’t understand why she was waking up so early . . . she wasn’t doing anything differently. she’d been going to bed at her usual time of half past eleven so that she could wake up at eight a.m. but no, she had to wake up at bloody six in the morning. she couldn’t stand it one bit. usually she just rolled over in her bed and tried to go back to sleep, but it never worked, so she gave up. stumbling towards her shower – the jack daniels and shots of vodka she’d had last night clearly hadn’t dissipated from her system yet – cait stepped inside, trying to wake up. she wasn’t the most awake person in the mornings.

emerging twenty minutes later, cait dried her hair in record time, and tried to figure out what to wear. she wasn’t in the mood for a dress, so in the end she settled on her black skinnies, black flower fairies t-shirt and black converse. she was in a bit of a dark mood today, and she couldn’t be bothered dealing with anyone. she couldn’t care less that she had lessons all day – she wasn’t going to any of them.

making her way out of her dorm, caitlin defiantly walked past the cafeteria and out into the gardens, following the path around until she got to the pool. cait didn’t want to swim ; it’s just that there was hardly ever anyone out there. rounding the corner, caitlin visibly sighed in annoyance as she saw a girl already sitting there. lixxi? lexii? something weird like that . . . cait didn’t really talk to people out side of her group, with the odd exception here and there, so she had no idea who this girl was.

spotting that the girl had cigarettes, cait immediately forgot her shyness – was it her being shy? – and walked up to her.

“mind if i steal a smoke?” she asked, sitting next to the girl.

[Lexie Ashton]

At this point, Lexie didn't really care about why she was here, or what she had done to get herself in to this position. But all she wanted was to get out, and the only way that would ever happen was if she stopped doing everything that made her feel good. It was kind of sad that she couldn't really live without drugs and alcohol, but it happened to everyone now and then. She just had her own way of letting her emotions out, and this was her choice. And truthfully, anything done excessively would eventually be bad for her. So what if she didn't have a perfectly long life, at least she was partying and living to the fullest, as she had been told to do as a child, though she assumed that when people told her that it didn't mean that she should smoke and drink, and occasionally pop a few pills.

After a while, a girl walked up to her, that she didn't recognize, but since she was really not the most social person, that wasn't surprising, and frankly, she wasn't at all alarmed when she asked for a cigarette. "No, not at all," Lexie replied, getting out her pack of Number 9's, and handing one to a girl. "I'm Lexie, by the way," she added, introducing herself, and maybe making a little bit of conversation for a little while. After all, she had nothing to do, and a few pills and some cigarettes to get her through the day.