quietly losing c o n t r o l

[`j u n o adams]

closed,

rodger[/center][/font]

this place we live
it is not where we belong

Juno awoke incredibly hung over. She had been to a party last night, which had lasted well into the morning, about five am. Juno had drank quite a bit, and was experiencing a terrible hangover because of it. She sat up groggily, trying to make out the numbers on the clock that stood next to her bed. 7:30 am. She groaned, and rubbed her head. It must have been one hell of a party.

Dragging herself out of her bed, she realised she was still fully dressed, even her shoes were still on her feet. A quick glance around the room confirmed, to Juno's relief, that it was actually her room, so at least she hadn't been so out of her head she'd stumbled into someone else's room rather than her own, which would no doubt have ended badly.

Stretching her arms, and hearing a crack from her shoulder, she yawned and took off the top she had been wearing the previous night, which was covered in alcohol. Some careless, and obviously very drunk, patient had spilt their drink down her. The memory came back, it must have been pretty early on. Some greed or other had spilt an entire bottle down Juno's front, which hadn't gone down well with her. Smiling, Juno remembered the sharp crack of a slap, and the greed hurrying off.

Taking off her shoes, she pulled off her jeans, and replaced them with another pair, these were black, and quite tight fitting, although not skinny. Reaching under her bed, she pulled out a bottle of vodka. Taking the top off, she took a long drink. There was no better way to cure hangovers than getting drunk all over again. Juno liked to completely skip pass the hangover stage. Most people would probably frown on her, starting to get drunk at seven thirty in the morning, but hey, she was the gluttony leader after all.

Bottle in one hand, she found a t shirt. It was pink, and had 'to write love on her arms' written on it. Love was the last thing on her mind at the minute, but whatever. Taking another long drink, and already the bottle was half empty. Sitting on the floor, she pulled a pair of pink pumps towards her, and slipped her feet into them. Picking the bottle back up, she lfted it to her mouth, and drank the rest of the bottle in one. Standing up, she smiled. Her head was certainly a little clearer now.

Lying on her stomach, she looked at the small space under her bed. There were a few bottles, and she pulled out another bottle of vodka. She unscrewed the top and drank about half, then replaced the lid and pushed it back under her bed. Looking in the mirror, she rubbed at the smudged black eyeliner. Unable to sumon the effort to do anything about it, she licked her finger and rubbed most of it off. Her hair was sticking up a little, but again, she couldn't be bothered.

Picking up her glasses, which she wore to read with, and when she had headaches, Juno left the room. Not many patients were up and about at this time of the morning, only those who got up this early. Entering the empty cafeteria, Juno looked around. The bright lights hurt her eyes, and so she put her glasses on. They were quite big, with black rims. She walked over to where the servers were standing behind the counter, hot breakfasts sitting in front of them, waiting to be served.

Juno rolled her eyes at the server in front of her, and stared at the food, almost in disgust. The food really wasn't up to much, and Juno was trying to lose weight anyway. The server's eyes were fixed on Juno's face, trying to work something out. Juno glared at her. 'What are you looking at?' she hissed.

'You're drunk.' The server said it slowly, as if Juno was an idiot, and needed to be talked to like a three year old. Juno wasn't in the mood. 'Got a problem?' she snapped back. 'You know you aren't supposed to drink.' The server's voice was calm and steady. Who did she think she was? Juno asked in her head. 'Oh, shove it up your arse and fuck off.'

Juno stared at the woman, she was quite short, though not as short as Juno, and rather round too. Her hair was gray, though her stern face didn't look that old. Her nose sniffed up, and Juno realised she was sniffing her breath, which probably smelt of vodka, and had most likely given her away to this interferring woman. Running short of patience, Juno turned on her heel and walked away from the woman. 'Hey now! You can't go wandering around drunk!' Making a noise of impatience, but not turning around, Juno shot over her shoulder 'Watch me.'

The woman came over and grabbed Juno's arm. That was a mistake. Juno spun around and slapped the woman straight across the face. The woman was shocked, and dropped Juno's arm straight away, stepping back and clutching her face, her mouth open in a little round 'O' shape. Juno turned around again as another server came toward her. This one was a man, tall and broad. Juno didn't think she'd be able to push him off quite as easily as the woman. Or at all.

Instead, Juno decided to run. Knowing she'd get caught, she ran in the wrong direction, towards the breakfast. The man behind her shouted something, but she didn't stop to listen. Instead, she reached the bench, and the servers moved away from the bench as Juno reached it. She grabbed the large vat of baked beans, boiling hot, and pushed them over, the contents spilling everywhere.

Food flew everywhere, Juno had no intention of stopping. She ran away from the man, jumping just out of his reach. She kicked chairs over, turned the tables. She had no idea why she was trying to trash the place. She knew she'd get caught, and so she might as well have some fun and do some damage first. Hearing someone behind her, she picked up a chair and threw it in the his direction. She laughed as she heard a thud, but it was more of a clatter, meaning the chair had hit the floor.

With a shout, a pair of arms wrapped around Juno's small waist, lifting her up and moving towards the door. Juno kicked at him, trying to pull his arms apart, to get out, but he had a vice like grip. Not giving up, she clawed at his arms with her bitten down nails, to no avail. Another member of stafflooked questioningly at Juno, and the man muttered 'Isolation,' though not so quiet that Juno didn't hear. She shrieked, not because isolation was such a problem, but because she hadn't smoked anything, and the craving would kick in soon. Some of the staff liked to put her in isolation, just because they knew her cravings could drive her crazy.

This man was clearly no exception, as Juno was thrown into one of the isolation rooms. She stood up, getting to the door just as it slammed shut. 'Oh, fuck off!' she screamed at the door. Turning, she sighed and put her back against the wall, sliding down and sitting on the cold floor. The isolation rooms were small and bare, no windows and one door. It was a very boring room, though there often weren't enough rooms for the patients, and so you usually ended up with two patients in isolation together, which defeated the point in Juno's mind, not that she was complaining.

But as it was only almost eight in the morning, Juno doubted anyone else would be put in with her. Sighing, she closed her eyes behind her glasses, and lay her head back against the cold wall.

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[Rodger Ahern]

we were born for t h i s

Rodger woke with a splitting headache. Probably from the night before, when he was at a party with good old Jimmy. He knew from that moment that he would have been wasted the night before, and most of the morning. Slowly, he turned and looked at his clock. Rodger had to squint before seeing anything, but eventually the red l.e.d lights made sense. 7:50 am. He groaned and yawned, trying to make his mind more manageable.

It took him a fair few minutes to drag himself out from his cosy covers, and when he had, Rodger felt more hungover than ever. He ran a boney hand through his tussled hair and tried to make his legs move, not that it would help much.

Again Rodger yawned and stretched, satisfied as a his lower back cracked. Rubbing the sleep out from his hazel eyes, he sat down on his bed. It seemed safer than sitting on his dorm floor, considering all of the crap Jimmy left around and even if he did find a clean spot, he doubted he'd be able to get up, thanks to the mother of all hangovers.

He pulled off his soiled black t-shirt, to be replaced with another black t-shirt with 'to write love on her arms' written delicately on. He loved this t-shirt and he hoped to god that nothing would happen to him today for it to get ruined. But judging by his night, nothing would happen to him, he'd just be even more submissive and quiet as before and make sure he wouldn't make a fool of himself, even though it was so hard not to do.

Rodger smiled meekly as he realised that he'd taken his shoes off before getting into his bed. He'd trained himself so well. Everything in his area was clean and neat as not to lose anything, but Jimmy's side? No. That would never happen over there. Even though Jimmy hated to loose things, he never cleaned up, not that bothered Rodger at all, as long as he knew where everything was, he didn't care one bit.

Once dressed Rodger decided to get drunk again, he needed to escape from the hangover. He stood up and stretched again, making sure his shoulder cracked before moving. It was a good thing he knew exactly where his stash was, otherwise through the hangover he'd have forgotten. Quickly, well, as quickly as he could, Rodger walked over to the bookcase and pulled out his trusty old playwrite of Romeo and Juliet. Inside he knew were numerous little bottles of Jack Daniel's and even the thought of them made his heart shiver with want and need.

After forgetting everything thanks to his two pals, Jack and Daniel, Rodger felt better, he felt as though there was more flare in his life. He placed the book back in it's place and walked clumsily to his bed. Making sure he was sitting on it properly, he bent down to get his shoes. Even though he knew he was on his bed securely, it felt as though he was about to fall off. Knowing it was from the drink, he grabbed his shoes and straightened up. Rodger placed his shoes on effortlessly and tried to get up without success. He groaned loudly and shut his lids tightly. He was going to get up, no matter what. But how? That was another story entirely.

Rodger pulled himself up from his bed eventually, but in doing so he was almost sick all over his floor. The word here is almost. It really was a good job he hadn't been sick everywhere, otherwise Jimmy would have killed him. Although, Jimmy would kill him for being this drunk at... He checked his bedside clock and very slowly made out the numbers. At 8:00am in the morning.

Quickly, Rodger checked himself out in the mirror. His hair, well, that could be sorted another time. His clothes were ruffled and creased but he still wore them. It wasn't like he was impressing anyone today anyway. Again he looked at himself, closer this time, so close he could see the bags under his eyes and see just how ugly he was. But good old eyeliner could fix both of those problems.

Finally, Rodger walked out of his dorm room, checking that he had his phone, iPod and cigarettes with him. Carefully he placed the earphones in his ears and surfed his iPod until he found something worth listening to. Mindless Self Indulgence. Sure, they weren't the greatest band to listen to when you're drunk, but Rodger didn't care. It was either them or hardcore metal. And at this time in the morning when you're off-your-head drunk, you really don't need headbanging music on.

Sighing to himself, Rodger had no idea where the hell he was going, but his legs seemed to know where he was going. So he just continued down the long corridors of rooms. It took him all but a few seconds to realise he was in the staff quarters and that he would get killed if he was caught there. So quickly he walked back to his room and out of the big fire door that was placed there for some unknown reason to Rodger.

He made his way out into the yard and smiled as one of his favourite songs came on. Get It Up. Everytime he listened to it he laughed and laughed, which was something a sloth never ever did. But he'd always liked to be different. After a few seconds into the song he was mouthing the words and pulling a cigarette out of his pocket.

Taking a nice long drag he heard someone shout something, but it was lucky he'd heard them, considering how loud his music was, and he turned around to see one of the male staff. The first thing he thought was 'shit!' But he didn't let him see it. If it was anything to do with him, which he guessed it probably was as there was only Rodger standing there smoking, he couldn't let his guard down. Hell, he had done when he first moved here with Jimmy and they ate him alive. It was a good thing that staff member had left a few days period to that little scene. Not that Rodger cared, that bitch was always nasty to him anyway.

As the staff member got closer, Rodger could make out some features. Short dark hair. Masculine figure. He mentally scolded himself. Smoking outside at this time? Of course he was going to get caught by Tommy.

Tommy was one of the staff who despised Rodger and Jimmy it didn't matter what they did, but Tommy hated them for it. Rodger guessed it had something to do with the prank they'd pulled on him their first day there, but still, he shouldn't have kept that hatred for this long.

"Oi!" Tommy shouted. Rodger rolled his eyes, Tommy was such a moron, couldn't he at least use his name? "No smoking here!" Rodger sighed and pulled out his left earphone of the ear that was nearest to Tommy. "What?" He asked. "My iPod was on too loud." He offered that as a excuse, but really, anyone could hear Tommy over the loudest of music.

"No. Smoking." Tommy didn't shout this time, but he was close enough to Rodger not to, anyway. Sighing, Rodger took another long drag and dropped his cigarette to the floor, mashing it with his foot. "Happy now?" Rodger scowled. "That was my last cigarette." It wasn't really, but Tommy didn't have to know that. Rodger wondered if he could smell the alcohol on his breath, it was a random thought, but if you were caught, you got chucked into the isolation room for hours. And that wasn't very fun at all.

"Have you been drinking?" Tommy asked. Well, Rodger guessed that you could smell the alcohol from his breath. For some reason, the impulse to run came into his mind. He didn't give it another thought, he just did so. Running away from Tommy was easy, but not getting caught was harder. In the first few minutes of running away from Tommy, Rodger got caught by a tall, strong guy he'd never seen before.

"Isolation." He heard the guy say and Rodger's spirits darkened. He'd be in there all day as they liked, loved, to torture unsuspecting rule breakers with hours in the small room. More than likely with another person, too. He doubted it was from the 'shortness' of room with all of the people in there. Rodger thought it was like a little game for the staff.

He was carried over to the isolation rooms and chucked into one by the tall strong guy. "Fuck you!" He yelled at the closed door. Panting from the run, Rodger looked around the room, it was bright and white, reminding him of a psychopath room. And he saw a girl there, too. She had bright orange hair and was wearing equally bright clothes. A pink top and black jeans. She made Rodger feel dark wearing his black top and black jeans. He looked closer to her t-shirt and noticed that it had the words 'to write love on her arms' wrote on it. He couldn't help but muster a small smile. "Look, we match." He giggled and pointed to their t-shirts.

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[`j u n o adams]

this place we live
it is not where we belong

Juno opened her eyes as someone else was put in the room with her. She offered a silent prayer of thanks, though she didn't believe in any God, as otherwise, she'd definitely be headed to hell. She didn't lift her head to see who it was though, as she was dying quietly in the corner. She needed nicotine, or alcohol, or dugs. Any of the three would work, though all three would be best.

It was a boy who had came in, as he spoke to her, said they matched. She lifted her head, and looked at him, to see where he was pointing. It was true, they both had 'to write love on her arms' written on their t shirts, though Juno's was pink, and this boys black. Looking at him, she vaugely recognised him. He was a regular at parties, and, raking through her mind, the name Rodger stood out. Juno tried to make a point of knowing as many people as she could, at least by name.

'Yeah, we do,' she said, giggling with him. She didn't exactly find it funny, just a coincidence, but it was probably the vodka that was making her laugh, as opposed to the clothes they were wearing. Figuring that if someone else was in here, she might as well make the effort, she crossed her legs, and leaned forward, off the wall. Before saying anything, she studied the boy, Rodger, she was sure.

He was wearing a black t shirt, with 'to write love on her arms' written on, the reason the pair matched. He also had black jeans on, and quite dark hair. It was long, and fell in front of his face. He had glasses on too, but not big like Juno's, they were rectangles that framed his dark eyes. From the first glance, he looked to be a very dark person. There was something familiar about him, but Juno couldn't put her finger on it. She shrugged it off, and offered him another smile.

'Hey there. I'm Juno.' She giggled again, as though her name was something to laugh at. Maybe it was, she didn't know. No one had ever laughed at it before, at least not to her face, or behind her back, as far as she knew. She stopped thinking about that, as it made no sense to her. She twirled a piece of her red hair between her fingers, and yawned. It was still early, and she'd only had a couple of hours sleep.

Sighing, she stopped trying to make a good impression on this Rodger boy, and lay down on the floor. It was cold, and hard, but it was better than sitting up. She closed her eyes again, and groaned. She needed something, right now. Something like alcohol, or nicotine. Both, if possible. She could smell the alcohol on the boy who'd just came in, and assumed it was why he'd been put in isolation. Another thing they had in common. Despite drinking an entire bottle and a half of vodka, she was only mildly drunk, and still had a desperate desire for the addictions. One of the down sides of being addicted to things was when you had to go without. Thankfully for Juno, that didn't happen to often to her, but it certainly was now.

'You wouldn't happen to have any cigarettes, would you?' Her eyes were still closed as she asked. She had a lighter in her pocket, she could feel it, but she'd left her cigarette's in her room. It wasn't Juno's favourite option, to have to ask someone else for a cigarette, but if she was desperate enough, she would. Clearly, she was desperate enough. Asking an almost stranger for a cigarette was a new low for Juno, but hey, a cigarette was a cigarette.

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[Rodger Ahern]

we were born for t h i s

Rodger looked around the room as the girl sat down with her eyes closed. He wondered if she was going o reply to him, but he gave up after a while of waiting for her. Patience wasn't Rodger's best virtue. Sighing to himself, he caught a thought of Jimmy. Was he okay? Rodger wondered. He always did wonder about Jimmy, with thr cugarettes and booze and once, even drugs, Rodger worried about him. Sure, Rodger was the same as Jimmy, into alcohol and cigarettes, but not as deeply as Jimmy. Jimmy needed them. Where as Rodger didn't as much.

Pushing his thoughts of Jimmy aside, Rodger glanced dully at the white walls, oh, how he could just bring in a sharpie and colour them in. He hated bland, boring things as much as he hated boring people. He just didn't see the point of it. But now he was winding himself up, so Rodger stopped abruptly.

He looked down exactly as the red-headed girl agreed with him about their t-shirts. Rodger looked back up and mustered a small smile and quickly looked away from her before he blushed. Sure, he liked her, there was no doubt about that, but showing he liked her? Yeah, he was really going to do that, wasn't he? Rodger didn't like to admit it, but he was shy. And sometimes even afraid to show his feelings. He never knew why he did these things, he just did. Besides, everytime he told a girl he liked her, she either went off with Jimmy, which was very hurtful, or she just ignored him and spreaded rumours about him. So Rodger had learned to give up, totally give up and nothing matters. Everything you get it just a bonus in life. He knew it was so much easier that way.

The girl introduced herself as Juno and he mentally remembered it. Her name was nice, such a fitting name for her face, too. Juno was an unusual name, but so pretty, too. Just like the girl herself. Rodger offered Juno a small smile and looked up at her, making eye contact. "I'm Rodger." He nodded as he smiled, just something he'd picked up from his brother, he guessed, but annoying all the same. He wondered if he should tell her about Jimmy, he decided to. He didn't know why, but he seemed to do stupid things when he was drunk. "Ever heard of Jimmy Ahern?" Rodger asked, guessing that she didn't know his brother, but it was worth a shot. He sighed and continued. "He's my twin." Rodger added a curt nod with this and look back down at Juno's t-shirt, reading 'to write love on her arms' very slowly, wondering if she had noticed his cheeks slowly beginning to turn to a new shade of red.

Rodger almost jumped as she asked if he had any cigarettes. But he came to pretty quickly. "Yeah." He smiled and dug his box out of his jeans, chucking them at Juno. "Try not to smoke all of them, though." Even though Jimmy needed cigarettes, Rodger did too. He didn't like to admit it, but the nicotine craving sometimes became too much for him to bare and Rodger knew that some, if not most of the staff enjoyed watching patients plead for cigarettes. That, he knew, was just plain cruel.

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[`j u n o adams]

this place we live
it is not where we belong

Juno smiled as the boy said he was called Rodger. She knew she knew him, and she'd been right. Then she realised why he looked so familiar as he asked if she knew Jimmy Ahern. Of course she knew Jimmy, and this was his twin brother. She could sort of see a resemblance. Just about nyway. Her smile grew as Rodger couldn't meet her eyes, and instead, his gaze drifted down and settled on her t shirt. Resisting the urge to tell him her face was up here, she bit her lip to hold in the giggle threatening to break out.

Juno caught the packet of cigarette's Rodger threw at her, and did laugh when he said try not to smoke them all. Fishing her lighter out of her pocket, she flicked it on, then off, just so she could watch them flame dance, then opened the packet and pulled out a cigarette. Flicking her lighter on again, this one was black, she lit the cigarette and took the long drag that she'd been waiting for all morning. 'Rodger, you are a life saver,' she said as she breathed out deeply, a small cloud of smoke accompanying the breath.

'Hey, I might be an addict, but I won't smoke them all.' Placing her lighter on the floor, she threw the packet back at Rodger, laughing. She thought Rodger was quite funny, and cute, though she didn't know where she stood with Jimmy. Not that it mattered, but whatever. She watched Rodger, and smiled as she noticed his cheeks were quite pink. She wondered why, and giggled again. Maybe it was the vodka in her, or the nicotine, but something was making her very giggly. She ran the hand that wasn't holding the cigarette through her hair, knowing it would fall straight back into place as soon as her hand left.

She patted the ground next to her, inviting Rodger to sit there. Sure, the ground was cold and hard, and not comfortable at all, but Juno know that there was no way you could stand up through isolation, the staff tended to leave you for a long time, maybe even forget about you, Juno had often thought. Standing the whole time was pretty much impossible. 'So, what did they catch you doing?' Juno asked. She said the word catch with a smile. It was okay if you didn't get caught, but if you did, you were usually sent to isolation. The staff were too lazy to bother with any form of punishment, exept isolation. They too seemed to understand that there was no worse place to be than here.

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